Does the thought of inviting friends over to your home send you into a panic? Are you stressed at the thought of planning a menu, grocery shopping and meal preparation? Are you looking at your calendar and asking, “When can I possibly find a date that will work?” Do you look at your house and decide that it will never look perfect or even presentable? If these thoughts race through your mind, you are not alone. Many women neglect giving the gift of hospitality for these very reasons. Yes, there may be a menu to plan, groceries to shop for, a calendar to juggle, and a house to straighten, but don’t let that limit you. If we think realistically, creatively, and with purpose, our gift of hospitality with heart can be unwrapped, enjoyed and even recycled!
Think realistically: Hospitality is not entertainment or a lavish event; it is opening your heart to another person. Begin with realistic expectations. Your friends do not come from homes which have been disinfected! They are probably very comfortable coming to visit your home. A clean dining room where you will eat, a clean bathroom where we know everyone will eventually visit, and a neat comfortable living room where your guests will gather, is what is required. Don’t fret about a cluttered office, disorganized cupboard or bedroom closet. No one is going there! Burn a scented candle, fluff the pillows, and give the bathroom a spray of fragrance. You are ready!
Girlfriends “get real” with each other and don’t expect masks and “fronts” to interfere with genuine relationship and time spent together. Determine your style and show your heart. One of my friends loves to host teas. She thrives on creating handmade favors and coordinates her tablescape and menus with her theme. Her invitations announce the theme of the tea! Her teas are not intended to impress anyone; it is part of who she is and reflects her personality and heart attitude for making women feel special. She enjoys watching women enjoy themselves. I have another friend puts on a pot of coffee and we sit together in our jeans. Our conversation is incessant; I hear her heart and she hears mine. I love being with both of my friends. When we are comfortable with who we are and what our style is, we can realistically extend hospitality. There is no competition. Instead we are “there” for each other.
Think creatively: Many women panic when it comes to extending hospitality because they don’t think outside the box. They think they will never be ready or not have enough time. That is probably true. We will never be completely ready and we will never have enough time. It is a matter of choices, priorities, creative thinking and moving forward. Simple suggestions include cooking double recipes. Serve one to your family and freeze one. You are now ready to invite friends over, whether planned or spontaneously! Some women use a thirty day method of cooking in advance. There are literally thirty meals stacked in their freezer. This method works for some who have the time to spend a whole day shopping and another day cooking. If that seems extreme for you, try 10 or 15 days of meals. One of the benefits of having a meal in the freezer is to be a girlfriend to someone who has a need: new baby, illness in the family, financial stress, or a week that had an unexpected event. What a great way to extend the heart of hospitality by dropping off a meal!
Girlfriends want company and time; the menu or the decorations don’t matter. Be creative and ask each of your friends to bring part of a meal to your home so you can all enjoy a lunch or dinner together and no one person does all the work. Don’t make excuses but use, Delis and wholesale warehouse foods. (A secret: that’s what some restaurants use if you look carefully.) Use paper plates! It’s about girlfriends having fun and being friends.
Think with purpose: What is your motive or purpose for extending hospitality? Hopefully, it is to encourage another person, to develop relationship, to offer yourself into their life and to share theirs. My hospitality then, can be spontaneous or planned; it can be elaborate or casual, it can be at my home or meeting for lunch or coffee. It can be to have a book discussion, a game night, crafts, or conversation. Knowing my purpose removes the stress of impressing and entertaining. If I know my purpose, I can plan. Organize your grocery shopping so that you don’t run out of a necessary ingredient needed for a meal. Plan your menu before you shop. Reduce your stress and serve a store bought dessert. Everyone brings a snack to share at Heather’s Bunk-0 night. My daughter Susan extends hospitality on a regular basis. Her purpose is to develop relationships. She is the mom of a toddler, works part time and is very involved in her church. She loves people and loves to welcome people into her home. She and her husband have been known to spontaneously invite people to their home for lunch after Sunday church services. Every Sunday morning she has a large pot of spaghetti sauce simmering at home. She is ready to invite anyone to come back to lunch. A stop at the store on the way home for a loaf of fresh Italian bread is all that is needed. Once home, pan of water is set on the stove to boil pasta, she cuts up lettuce for salad, and lunch is ready. She and her husband encourage others and welcome newcomers around their table. Their purpose? To open their heart and home, not wait for a more convenient date or entertain on a large scale.
Think about multiple uses for things that you have. I recently hosted a brunch for my small group. Each woman supplied a part of the menu and I provided the beverages. Since it was around Valentine’s Day, I used a white tablecloth that I had, my red chargers that I use at Christmas, red paper napkins, stuffed red and white tissue in a glass vase and used red votives for my centerpiece, and bought favors at the Dollar store. For three hours, women laughed and shared. It was delightful. Later in the week, I hosted a luncheon. This time, I provided the food, but I used the same centerpiece, chargers, and yes, paper napkins. My purpose was to open my home to women and given that I was pressed for time, I was efficient and recycled what I used. Think of your primary purpose and let other things work around it.
If we adjust our mindset to think “hospitality with heart” instead of “entertainment with zapped energy”, our girlfriends will love us for it, and will we will love them.
